As a reminder, this series is about how we self-inflict pain into our lives by the way we think in our minds. If you missed the previous article, feel free to check out previous ones!
A “mind hack” as any tool or idea that helps us understand the mind so we can have a mentally healthy life!
So far, we’ve talked about understanding how we experience life subjectively, how thoughts in the mind can be viewed as “ships” on the horizon of our consciousness/mind, and the perils of meandering into the fear-based “what if” world part of our mind…
Another important mind hack I’d like to introduce is the idea that we all as humans have that “inner critic.”
We all have that inner voice that is quick to condemn us, accuse us, and shame us. That’s the “inner critic.”
I’m not sure if you can relate, but growing up, I was very, very hard on myself. This was in part due to experiences I had but I also think it’s a universal part of the human experience.
But for me, you could have even said self-judgment and shame became close companions. They were familiar and always close by. So much so, that when I began to learn how to value and love myself, I was quite uncomfortable.
You see, I felt I didn’t deserve the love and grace that people – or even God – could offer me.
So, the natural question becomes: how do we deal with the inner critic?
Let’s first talk about the many typical but unhealthy ways we deal with this voice. Here are some that come to mind:
1. Listening – when we believe the voice 100% and experience feelings of shame, self-judgment, and even self-hatred if entertained long enough.
(ever find yourself thinking “I’m such an idiot!” or “Wow, I’m a loser” or something negative like that?)
2. Suppressing – when we ignore the voice and push it way down into our subconscious. (we can find ourselves in denial)
3. Numbing– when we use distractions / addictions / bad habits to drown this voice whether through technology, drugs, gambling, pornography, alcohol, etc.
(ever struggled with these things? Or maybe they’re current struggles?)
But what if there’s a healthier way?
I’ll call this the “Awareness, Acknowledgement, Receive” approach.
Awareness – As I discussed previously, thoughts can be like ships we identify floating on the horizon of our mind. Be open to becoming aware of and catching yourself when you are hearing from the self-critic.
Acknowledgment – Acknowledge that you are having these self-condemning, inner critic thoughts that drive feelings like shame, self-pity, despair, and even hopelessness.
Receive – In my experience, these negative thoughts/beliefs thrive in an environment (our mind) deficient in self-love. So, what would it look like to choose to receive love for yourself in that moment?
For some, this means literally making an active choice to say “nope! I’m going to give myself some grace here.” As a tool, I suggest clients think of how they would approach and talk to their child if their child was struggling with those thoughts…would they condemn or shame their child? Or seek to love and comfort their child in those moments? Those answers can be a helpful guide for how to approach yourself! After all, if we can’t give ourselves grace, it’ll be hard to extend grace to loved ones!
If that seems too abstract – OR if you are spiritual/religious – you can think of this step as choosing to receive love from a God who loves you if that’s part of your belief system. If you believe in a God that is a God of love, this may come a bit easier for you.
The point here is that the goal is to not necessarily get rid of that inner critic voice as much as it is to stop listening to it as much. While we will always have that voice nearby and may find ourselves listening to it from time to time, we can learn to become more and more aware of when we are prone to listen to this voice and then learn to acknowledge this and practicing receiving love for ourselves.
As a helpful wrap-up to this topic, I once heard someone use the metaphor of a radio station as an analogy for our mind.
Say there’s a radio station that’s constantly talking about bad news. That’s like these shaming thoughts in our mind.
Now you may not be able to get rid of it, BUT you can choose to catch yourself when you’re listening to it and practice tuning in to a good news station.
And that’s like choosing to focus on receiving love for self.
So, what about you?
Do you recognize your own inner critic?
How do you handle it?
Answering that last question is a big determinant in your ability to thrive in your mind!
Let’s THRIVE in mind so we can THRIVE in life!
