What do you think? Would you agree with the quote above? Do you think that “self-worth” and “purpose” come from God?
Before we tackle those set of questions, there’s another important question to ask:
What’s wrong with getting our validation from humans?
Let’s first define the word “validation.“
Dictionary.com defines validation as “the act of affirming a person, or their ideas, feelings, actions, etc., as acceptable and worthy.”
Growing up, I most definitely leaned towards being a people-pleaser, basically a person whose esteem and self-worth was propped up by the affirmation, attention, and praise of others. This was a pattern of thinking, being, and relating that I learned from an early age and utilized with family, friends, church, school, and pretty much every other subculture I was part of or involved with.
To be perfectly honest, this has been a struggle for a really long time even into my forties. Despite having done plenty of my own counseling and a lot of heart work, it really wasn’t until I worked with men’s coaches and mentors that I more fully addressed this issue.
What I began to realize in adulthood was the following:
A) I didn’t feel so good when I didn’t receive these affirmations and praise, and
B) I didn’t feel so good when I got negative evaluations, criticism, and judgment.
The result of this explains the vacillating, up and down sense of well-being and self-worth I had experienced for much of my life. Simply put, my well-being, self-worth, and purpose were directly tied to the self-evaluations I made based upon perceived and direct affirmations or lack thereof from others around me.
Now, in the world of counseling and coaching/mentoring, a common solution offered to combat this idea of seeking validation in others is the notion of “self-validation.”
So, what is self-validation?
Self-validation is the idea that a person can affirm him or herself as worthy and acceptable.
While I believe this idea is headed in the right direction, it presupposes several key things, namely that 1) we have the ability to self-affirm in a stable and consistent way, and 2) there is a credible, rational basis upon which to deem ourselves worthy and valuable.
But what if we ourselves have a variable tendency to affirm or praise ourselves? Do we then have a stable basis for self-worth?
And what in your worldview or beliefs about the world or reality around you give you a rational and credible basis for deeming yourself worthy or valuable?
While it’s beyond the scope of this article to fully explain, I do believe the Christian worldview – as informed by a vigorous study of the scriptures housed in the Bible – offers a viable, credible and rational basis for the worth and value of a human being.
Not only are we created or made in His Image, but He loves us enough to provide a way for us to be in right standing and relationship with Him. If you’d like to learn more about this, I’d be happy to discuss it!
But returning to the topic at hand, what about you? What is your basis for self-worth and purpose? And is your basis rock-solid and reliable?
Key Takeaway:
Choosing self-validation in God (God/self-validation) – specifically the God of the Bible – provides a very solid cognitive and relational anchor for one’s sense of self-worth and purpose.
Questions for consideration:
Do you struggle with looking for validation in humans? If so, what do you think the benefits and costs are of this way of living?
Have you ever heard of or considered the path of God and/or self-validation? What do you see as the benefits and costs of this way of living?
If these ideas seem challenging to implement in your life, consider setting up a complimentary discovery call with me, and let’s chat about what you need to move forward towards a thriving life!
