In case you missed the last article in this series, I referenced the “Serenity prayer,” which says:
“God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the Courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference.”
If you’ve following this series on “Principles Worth Embracing,” you first read about the gift of choice we have..including the gift of learning to consciously choose our thoughts, attitude, and approach in any given situation.
In the second article, we talked about the first part of this prayer which involves using our gift of choice to ask God to help us accept the things we cannot change.
And in this third article, I’d like to talk about the second part of the prayer which involves asking God to give us the courage to change the things we can change.
To illustrate the power of this principle, I’d like you to imagine two circles: a really massive circle and then a really tiny circle within that massive circle.
For the purposes of this illustration, let’s assume that the massive circle around the tiny circle represents everything that is around us and that is happening around us…circumstances…people…life…elections…world events…weather changes…earthquakes…pandemics…the solar system…the galaxy…the universe, etc…(it goes on and on…feel small yet? :)
I know it isn’t true to scale, but now let’s pretend the tiny circle represents you and everything that is in your control: your choices, your thoughts, your decisions, and your responses to situations.
Consider this: how much sense would it make for you, being in that tiny circle, to try to control everything around you that is in the massive circle?
Probably wouldn’t make any sense, right? If you tried to, you’d probably feel like a ping-pong ball in a pinball machine (if you don’t know what that is, you’re probably too young so go look it up! :). In other words, you‘d probably feel overwhelmed, anxious, and eventually start to lose your mind!
Circling back to our circles metaphor (yes, pun intended!), what if we tried to focus instead on what we could control within that tiny circle that represented us?
Put another way, what if we decided to own these lives in such a way that we became responsible for ourselves and our own lives?
We may not be able to change things around us, but we can change ourselves and how we respond to things happening outside us. For example, we can manage our feelings to these outside things and learn to take these things to God in prayer rather than control these things. We can also decide to focus on our attitudes and thoughts (for more, see my article series on “how to move towards a thriving life”) and expend our energy on things within our control.
What I’ve observed is that when people decide to focus on changing themselves and being responsible for and owning their own lives, something really powerful happens. Rather than being subject to the whims of the forces around them, these people become change agents. They have impact and influence in the world around them. Rather than being a ping-pong ball in a pinball machine going crazy, they can be like a drop of water that causes a ripple effect in the lake of their lives…and maybe even in the lives of others around them.
Over the years, as I’ve contemplated these principles and put them into practice, I’ve seen positive results. While I may still be tempted to think like a victim from time to time (whining and pouting about my circumstances or situation), I frequently remind myself I can choose how my attitude and how I show up in the world. That of course has included accepting things I cannot change (including people around me! :) AND choosing to own, work on, and change myself and my own life.
A quick example of how this has shown up in my own life has to do with how I started this very business. You see, I started working as a psychiatrist in 2008 and I’ve always felt a bit like a “fish out of water” as a psychiatrist since I’m not super passionate about pharmaceuticals and the traditional medical model. However, a few years ago, after I got exposed to the world of mentoring and coaching (see the “About Me” page for more details on my story), I started to wonder if maybe there were different ways I could help people outside traditional psychiatry.
At first, I felt stuck thinking “Well, it’s too late..I’m a psychiatrist and that’s what I’m meant to be.” But life has a way of shaking things up and I began to choose to give myself permission to dream. I began to focus on that tiny circle and saw how God had made including the specific and unique gifts, talents, passions, and abilities I had.
As I began to pray about how I could own more of my journey and steward these gifts, talents, and abilities, I gained the courage to change the way I was thinking and to embrace the possibility that I myself could become a mentor and coach. So, choosing to change and own my own life led me to start this very business so that I can help you change and own your own life too!
Key Takeaway:
Focusing on what we can control – including owning and being responsible for ourselves and our lives – is a healthy, freeing, and mature way for us to move forward in our own lives.
Questions for consideration:
Do you believe you have the courage to change? If not, why not?
If you do have the courage to change, what are some things in your control that you can change? Is it a mindset? Is it an attitude? Is it a way you respond to situations?
If you know or have a relationship with God, do you need to ask Him for courage to change things you can change?
If these ideas seem challenging to implement in your life, consider setting up a complimentary discovery call with me, and let’s chat about what you need to move forward towards a thriving life!
