As a reminder, this series is about how we self-inflict pain into our lives by the way we think in our minds. If you missed the previous articles, feel free to check out previous ones!

A “mind hack” as any tool or idea that helps us understand the mind so we can have a mentally healthy life!

Something that overlaps well with this topic is the topic of cognitive distortions.

What are cognitive distortions?

The APA (American Psychological Association) defines cognitive distortion as “faulty or inaccurate thinking, perception, or belief.”

In layman’s terms, we may call this kind of thinking “stinking thinking.”

Now, to be fair, we all have these kinds of thoughts from time to time but when the thoughts become really extreme, it can affect the way we actually live our lives.

I could spend a whole series going in-depth into different types of cognitive distortions, but just to give you an idea, I’ll pick out a few in the next couple of articles just to introduce the topic.

For today, I’ll introduce “black or white” or what some call “all or none” thinking.

For example, one thought or belief I am well-acquainted with is a thought or belief that completes the following statement:

“I can’t ______ ” or “I could never ______ “ or “There’s no way I could _____”

Back in 2018, my first men’s coach challenged me to do something I’d never done before, like take up a new hobby or try something new.

Well, it turns out that my daughters wanted their rooms painted. I can’t remember exactly what I first thought, but I’m pretty sure it went something like this: “I can’t and could never paint! I don’t know what I’m doing.”

Much like Mr. Miyagi in the 1984 movie “Karate Kid,” my coach knew that me stepping out and doing something that challenged this type of thinking would stretch and help me in other areas of life.

So rather than call a painter, I started to think about my coach’s challenge and thought,

“Hmm…I’d love to paint their rooms..but where do I start?”

To fast forward, I first did some online research on painting a room. Then I figured out everything I needed to accomplish this task. Finally I went to the paint store, asked a bunch of questions, and bought everything I needed: paintbrushes, paint tray, painter’s tape, rags, paint rollers and extension poles, plastic sheets, and of course the paint (after consulting my daughters for their preferences of course :).

While it was a bit scary at first, I realized that it wasn’t so bad after all! In fact, I learned to enjoy painting. So much so, that not only have I lead our family in re-painting both their rooms, but I have painted a number of other rooms all over our house.

Not to mention started and completed a number of other things that I initially thought “I can’t” or “could never” do, things like: starting this business, hosting my first coaching workshop, and even starting this newsletter, just to name a few.

Some might call this type of cognitive distortion a type of “black or white” or “all or none” thinking in that it can represent an extreme, faulty way of thinking that – if left unchallenged – can lead to some unfortunate circumstances.

Some clues that you may be in this sort of thinking include words like “never” or “always.” Do you notice this in your vocabulary?

What do you think would have happened if I stuck with my initial thought of I can’t or I could never paint?

What do you think would have happened if my coach had never challenged my thinking?

Now, let’s focus on YOU:

Where do you find yourself saying “I can’t or “I could never” ?

Are those thoughts really true? What evidence do you have for those thoughts?

WHAT IF every “I can’t” or “I could never” thought you have is an opportunity for challenge and growth?

Let’s THRIVE in mind so we can THRIVE in life!