In previous articles, we’ve discussed the power of our thinking and how the power of our thinking – particularly about ourselves – can influence our lives. In the last article, I shared my proposition that a good case can be made for the idea that we as human beings have an innate value and worth.
You might be thinking “well, duh!” and if so, I’m only glad! Part of the purpose of this series is to challenge assumptions and help people think through WHY they believe what they believe…not necessarily to tell you what to believe.
In each article, I contrast what I call a Thriving Life Belief (a belief that brings thriving into life), or TLB, with a Languishing Life Lie, or LLL (a belief that leads to languishing in life –> the opposite of thriving). Here’s today’s set of contrasting beliefs to consider:
TLB #5: Once a person believes and accepts that he or she has value, he or she has motivation to discover who he or she is and what his or her personal core values are.
LLL #5: A person doesn’t really need to know who they are or what his or her core values are to live successfully.
So, here’s my all-important question for today: do you know who you are and what your core values are as a human being?
Prior to facing a personal crisis in 2018-2019, I would have clearly expressed that I knew who I was and what my core values are. However, I have found that life difficulties and crises have a way of providing people an opportunity to peel off another layer of the proverbial onion that represents who they really are or can be.
Do you know WHO you are in the middle of a crisis? Do your core values inform the way you show up in the midst of difficulty?
How one answers this question can speak to the sense of stability a person has with regard to his or her sense of self.
Working with a men’s mentor:
Because I was in pain and because I chose to value myself (the point of the last article), I ended up deciding to work with a mentor who guided me to make some key personal discoveries:
1. I dug deeper than I ever had before and really sought clarity around who I am. While I knew my roles and responsibilities, I reconnected with the fact that I’m a created human being. That I have value, worth, and significance. That I worship the Creator, the Ultimate Value-Giver. That He is infinite and wise and personal and yet beyond my full grasp as a finite being. I now know who I am and Whose I am, though the journey of growth in Him continues!
2. I discovered the man I was originally designed and meant to be. How, you might ask? Well, I was introduced to a book called Hold Onto Your N.U.T.s: The Relationship Manual for Men (Levine, 2007). . “N.U.T.s” refers to “non-negotiable unalterable terms” or, in other words, one’s core personal values. I realized that although I had done a lot of work in the past involving self-affirmations and writing out goals, I had never really thought clearly and carefully about what my core personal values were. So I began to engage in an intentional exercise of actually articulating and writing out how I, Sean, choose to show up in the world with regard to God, self, and others.
By way of example, a core personal value that motivates me to write articles like this is my desire to love and support others!
Question:
Do you really know who you are? And have you ever considered writing a list of your core personal values?
Application Challenge:
1. Set aside some quiet time to reflect with a pen/pencil and paper in hand. Take time to write about who you are and who you believe yourself to be. If you haven’t done this before, it can be a bit unnerving and may even seem like a waste of time. But try it out and see what you come up with!
2. Once you have a sense of who you are (identity), take some time to write how you choose to be in the world. This may be a list of phrases or sentences that includes adjectives or even specific descriptions of how you personally choose to show up in the world. I’d encourage you to write how you show up in various areas of your life.
If this is challenging or you’d like to learn more about this, reach out to me and set up a discovery call. Let’s see what we can discover that will help you get unstuck and move forward so you can move towards thriving in your life!
